Lifestyle + Family

The Truth Behind "Marrying the Wrong One" Myths: Biblical Design for Marriage

May 15, 2015

Have you ever asked yourself “What if I married the wrong one?” Don’t worry, you’re not alone! This common question arises from the false expectations society creates around finding our “soulmate”. We’re bombarded with romanticized and idealistic visions of perfect marriages, making us question the success of our own unions. And what about the biblical […]

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Have you ever asked yourself “What if I married the wrong one?” Don’t worry, you’re not alone! This common question arises from the false expectations society creates around finding our “soulmate”. We’re bombarded with romanticized and idealistic visions of perfect marriages, making us question the success of our own unions. And what about the biblical design for marriage?

Here’s the truth:

No one person can fulfill all of our emotional and practical needs, and disagreements and conflicts are a normal part of any relationship. But these unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration, and encourage a self-centered approach to marriage. This can damage the foundation of self-giving love that is essential for a happy union.

According to Timothy Keller, our society has become too cynical about the idea of “monogamy” due to our overly idealistic expectations of what we want in a spouse. This shift in our understanding of marriage is driven by a desire for self-fulfillment, rather than finding meaning through self-denial and self-giving love.

On the other hand, the biblical view of marriage is a reflection of God’s grace and saving love for us in Jesus Christ. Paul calls us to do for our spouse what God did for us in Jesus, and Keller sums it up that a marriage “works” when we model God’s self-giving love in Christ.

Enter the Song of Solomon – a stunning representation of love and marriage in the Bible. This book of poetry celebrates the love between a man and a woman, and depicts their deep affection, desire, commitment, and joy in being together. It’s seen as an allegory of God’s love for His people, and a model for how we should love our spouse.

The love between the husband and wife in the Song of Solomon reminds us of the self-giving love we’re called to show in our own marriages. It offers a beautiful picture of what a healthy, loving marriage looks like, and reminds us of the biblical design for marriage – mutual love, respect, and devotion.

As C.S. Lewis said, “the alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.” So being alone isn’t the solution. To build a strong and fulfilling union, it’s important to let go of false expectations and approach marriage with a realistic understanding of what it entails – focusing on self-giving love and mutual sacrifice. Let’s vow to make our marriages a reflection of God’s grace and love, just like the Song of Solomon!”

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